Monday, 10 August 2015

An E-Mail Changed My Life



So many of us complain that the (relatively) new phenomenon of email has changed our lives.  I am taking this to a new level today by using my email inboxes to determine a small part of my destiny.  This weekend is one of my favourites - it's the start of the 2015-16 FA Cup - the Extra Preliminary Round.

Here below is a randomised numbered list of 103 FA Cup ties which (as far as I know at the moment) are taking place on Saturday at grounds that I have not yet visited.  The list was produced using the RAND() function in Excel and sorting by the random number.  My choice of game for Saturday will be decided by incoming traffic to my email inboxes for 10 August 2015.  You could in theory influence this by sending me emails.  Don’t you dare.

Here's how it works.  I have three operating email addresses – one is for all my fairly important financial, house, car, shares in Bolivian zinc etc etc stuff.  One is for the really important social network stuff.  The other is my work email address for the unutterable joy of work stuff.

Thus, let the number of emails appearing in each inbox for the calendar day of Monday 10 August 2015 be f, g and h respectively.  f,g and h must of course be integers.

The formula which will determine my FA Cup Extra Preliminary Round Destiny to game X is:
X = ( f x g x h ) MOD 103 + 1

The effect of the MOD function is to send the counter back to the top of the list once the product f x g x h gets past 103.  The “+1” is to cover the unlikely event of one of these inboxes staying empty today otherwise I would be trying to go to match zero which must be in a black hole somewhere without a postcode for Doris the SatNav.

So, for example, if I get 2,4 and 6 emails in the inboxes then I will work out (2 x 4 x 6) + 1 = 48 + 1 = 49 and head off to Cribbs v Bristol Manor Farm.  If I get 22, 44 and 66 then the sum is (22 x 44 x 66) +1 which is 63889, and then the MOD operation will give the remainder after division by 103.  That is 29 and off to Westfields v Pegasus Juniors I will go.  If I get no work emails then I will be going to match 1 at Hamworthy.

We will know my FA Cup fate at one minute past midnight.  It’s random.  Thank you for your interest.  No, I don’t need medical help.

Small Print: Emails that have been filtered to the Junk or Spam folders do NOT count. If the formula produces a match that is subsequently switched to a ground I have already been to, or is moved to a different date, then I will go to the next one on the list instead.  The same applies in the case of a previously unidentified "tenant" groundsharing home club or other unknown factor such as alien invasion.

1
HAMWORTHY UNITED
v
HALLEN
2
BARTON TOWN OLD BOYS
v
SQUIRES GATE
3
SWAFFHAM TOWN
v
THETFORD TOWN
4
QUORN
v
OADBY TOWN
5
BRADFORD TOWN
v
UNITED SERVICES PORTSMOUTH
6
KNAPHILL
v
HIGHWORTH TOWN
7
AFC BRIDGNORTH
v
WOLVERHAMPTON CASUALS
8
BARNOLDSWICK TOWN
v
COLNE
9
SEAHAM RED STAR
v
MARSKE UNITED
10
AFC DARWEN
v
WASHINGTON
11
AMESBURY TOWN
v
BEMERTON HEATH HARLEQUINS
12
HULLBRIDGE SPORTS
v
HADLEIGH UNITED
13
GLASSHOUGHTON WELFARE
v
RUNCORN LINNETS
14
VERWOOD TOWN
v
NEWPORT (IW)
15
BODMIN TOWN
v
BRISLINGTON
16
SHEPTON MALLET AFC
v
PLYMOUTH PARKWAY
17
DEEPING RANGERS
v
BOSTON TOWN
18
HYTHE & DIBDEN
v
MONEYFIELDS
19
CONGLETON TOWN
v
NOSTELL MW
20
SHERBORNE TOWN
v
NEW MILTON TOWN
21
ASHINGTON
v
ALBION SPORTS
22
LONG EATON UNITED
v
HARROWBY UNITED
23
ODD DOWN
v
ASHTON & BACKWELL UNITED
24
HEATON STANNINGTON
v
NORTON & STOCKTON ANCIENTS
25
BISHOP AUCKLAND
v
SHILDON
26
ABINGDON UNITED
v
BRIMSCOMBE & THRUPP
27
ALSAGER TOWN
v
ATHERSLEY RECREATION
28
HOLBEACH UNITED
v
ELY CITY
29
WESTFIELDS
v
PEGASUS JUNIORS
30
SUNDERLAND RCA
v
GUISBOROUGH TOWN
31
WOOTTON BASSETT TOWN
v
BRACKNELL TOWN
32
TADLEY CALLEVA
v
GUILDFORD CITY
33
LONG MELFORD
v
LONDON BARI
34
CHELTENHAM SARACENS
v
WINTERBOURNE UNITED
35
BANSTEAD ATHLETIC
v
ROCHESTER UNITED
36
CHINNOR
v
HARTLEY WINTNEY
37
RADFORD
v
SLEAFORD TOWN
38
BILLINGHAM SYNTHONIA
v
CONSETT AFC
39
GARFORTH TOWN
v
MORPETH TOWN
40
BOOTLE
v
ATHERTON COLLIERIES
41
CHESSINGTON & HOOK UNITED
v
CROWBOROUGH ATHLETIC
42
BRIDLINGTON TOWN
v
NORTH SHIELDS
43
ST ANDREWS
v
CLIPSTONE
44
WITHERIDGE
v
WELTON ROVERS
45
SHEPSHED DYNAMO
v
RETFORD UNITED
46
CROYDON
v
SUTTON COMMON ROVERS
47
NELSON
v
NEWTON AYCLIFFE
48
CHADDERTON
v
AFC LIVERPOOL
49
CRIBBS
v
BRISTOL MANOR FARM
50
WORTHING UNITED
v
DEAL TOWN
51
POTTON UNITED
v
BEDFONT SPORTS
52
THAME UNITED
v
FARNHAM TOWN
53
READING TOWN
v
CHERTSEY TOWN
54
TEAM SOLENT
v
BLACKFIELD & LANGLEY
55
PENRITH AFC
v
JARROW ROOFING BOLDON CA
56
BARNSTAPLE TOWN
v
WILLAND ROVERS
57
ALMONDSBURY UWE
v
FAWLEY
58
RINGMER
v
BECKENHAM TOWN
59
HORNDEAN
v
SHOLING
60
BOTTESFORD TOWN
v
RAINWORTH MW
61
BROCTON
v
STOURPORT SWIFTS
62
MAINE ROAD
v
ST HELENS TOWN
63
FELIXSTOWE & WALTON UNITED
v
BARKING
64
WELLINGBOROUGH WHITWORTHS
v
NORTHAMPTON SPENCER
65
DEBENHAM LC
v
IPSWICH WANDERERS
66
CROOK TOWN AFC
v
DUNSTON UTS
67
CLEETHORPES TOWN
v
BRIGG TOWN
68
ELLISTOWN & IBSTOCK UNITED
v
HOLWELL SPORTS
69
BEDLINGTON TERRIERS
v
WEST AUCKLAND TOWN
70
SEVENOAKS TOWN
v
SEVEN ACRE & SIDCUP
71
DURHAM CITY
v
THACKLEY
72
BEDFORD
v
COGENHOE UNITED
73
ASHTON ATHLETIC
v
MALTBY MAIN
74
ABBEY HEY
v
WORKSOP TOWN
75
RUNCORN TOWN
v
BACUP & ROSSENDALE BOROUGH
76
CLAPTON
v
STANWAY ROVERS
77
HAILSHAM TOWN
v
EASTBOURNE UNITED
78
ALVECHURCH
v
HEATH HAYES
79
HEBBURN TOWN
v
TADCASTER ALBION
80
SHOREHAM
v
ST FRANCIS RANGERS
81
WHITCHURCH UNITED
v
WINCANTON TOWN
82
BISHOP SUTTON
v
STREET
83
FAKENHAM TOWN
v
HUNTINGDON TOWN
84
COVE
v
SHRIVENHAM
85
SALTASH UNITED
v
AFC ST AUSTELL
86
SOUTH NORMANTON ATHLETIC
v
AFC MANSFIELD
87
MELKSHAM TOWN
v
COWES SPORTS
88
PENISTONE CHURCH
v
PONTEFRACT COLLIERIES
89
BROCKENHURST
v
FAREHAM TOWN
90
BUCKLAND ATHLETIC
v
CLEVEDON TOWN
91
BOURNEMOUTH
v
AFC PORTCHESTER
92
SILSDEN AFC
v
WEST ALLOTMENT CELTIC
93
BEXHILL UNITED
v
LOXWOOD
94
HOLKER OLD BOYS
v
LIVERSEDGE
95
WINSFORD UNITED
v
AFC BLACKPOOL
96
HORLEY TOWN
v
WICK & BARNHAM UNITED
97
CRAY VALLEY (PM)
v
ASHFORD UNITED
98
ROTHWELL CORINTHIANS
v
THRAPSTON TOWN
99
HEMSWORTH MW
v
ARMTHORPE WELFARE
100
HOLMESDALE
v
MILE OAK
101
KIRBY MUXLOE
v
HEANOR TOWN
102
LOUGHBOROUGH UNIVERSITY
v
BARROW TOWN
103
HANLEY TOWN
v
SHAWBURY UNITED


PS Please have a look at my updated groundsharers page too and let me know if you spot any errors or omissions for 2015-16.

UPDATE

Well, I ended up with 4, 6 and 3 messages in the three inboxes in, it has to be said, a surprisingly quiet day on the email front.  There was no change from late afternoon onwards and all through the commentary on West Brom's loss to Manchester City.  I will be heading north-west because ( 4 x 6 x 3 ) + 1 is 73 and that is ASHTON ATHLETIC v MALTBY MAIN.  We didn't need the modulo part of the function after all but it was nice to give it an airing.  Hope everyone has a great start to their FA Cup journey this season.

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