Colemen Cut The Mustard

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Saturday 11 November 2017 at Pack Meadow
Result	Coleshill Town 8 (Eight) Blaby & Whetstone Athletic 1
Competition	FA Vase R2
Hopstats	Ground 625 on the lifetime list and I am here randomishly because @TheVan played along on Twitter and imagined pulling the Six of Hearts from an imaginary deck of cards.  See the previous post for the proof.  It’s random, or at least random-ish. Only he and/or his psychiatrist (if any) knows whether there is any deep significance to his choice, and we will never know.  All this happened because I had exactly 52 games on my list of unvisited grounds for today.  Thanks to @matthewcr too who followed with a reserve choice a few seconds later.
Context
Although Step 5 vs Step 6, both teams are going table-toppingly well in the Midland Football League Premier and the Eastern Counties Premier respectively.  B&W will need to catch up on games in hand because they’ve already played three times in this competition.  They’ve had home wins against Blidworth Welfare, Bottesford Town and Northampton ON Chenecks with a 13-1 aggregate.  Coleshill Town lost out in the Vase semi-finals over two legs to South Shields last season.  Should be a good contest.  (Postscript: what do I know?)
In one sentence
An astonishingly one-sided game featuring a double hat-trick after Coleshill had seen a first-half straight red card given to a defender with the scores still level.
So what?
As is the case with knockout competition, Coleshill now go into an imaginary hat and Blaby & Whetstone concentrate on the league.
Match Report
After an impeccable Armistice Day silence, Coleshill had the majority of possession in the first twenty minutes or so but there was no clue about what was to come later.  Their keeper Paul Hathaway needed to be alert in a sweeper role with a couple of headed clearances, and his opposite number Thomas Holyoak took a while to get accustomed to the bounce of the ball on the artificial surface.  The home side did in the end take the lead with a disputed direct free kick after 25 minutes.  Jordan Nadat was the scorer. 1-0 Blaby & Whetstone were level within a minute as they went straight up the middle from the restart and Rikki Bates smashed in an unstoppable shot.  As the craziness continued, a B&W defender almost headed an own goal but Holyoak backpedalled and just caught the ball in time, and with the very next attack Nadat played in Reece Leek who hit the post from close range.  Thus ended one of the maddest two minutes of football I’ve seen for a very long time. After 31 minutes Nadat just failed to convert a cross and then the game changed bizarrely with the sending off of Coleshill defender Luke Edwards.  The incident was up the other end from me, but it seemed to be a straight red.  Within a minute, Nadat and Leek had linked neatly again to split the away defence. Nadat’s first shot was blocked but from an almost prone position he found the net to round off another mad two minutes. When The Ten Men of Coleshill extended their lead soon after the break, it was clear that normal protocol had gone out of the window.  Nadat controlled the ball well before losing a defender and shooting for a hat-trick.  I wrote down “too easy” when it became 4-1 through Leek.  B&W had expected the game to be stopped for an assistant’s offside flag but I guess the referee deemed that a new phase of play had started.  Once a Joe Halsall header had gone in to make it 5-1 it looked like the visitors had crossed a motivational line in the wrong direction and we could be about to see an embarrassment.  Another hat-trick from Nadat completed the scoring (and to be fair Hathaway stopped another goal with a full-length save) as Coleshill went on the rampage.  It’s the first time I have witnessed a double hat-trick, and by now this was a real drubbing, all the more impressive for the execution with one man down.
Ground Pix
Match Pix
Coleshill in the white-and-blue.
Pre-Match Entertainment
I’ve been picking up the threads of my family tree again recently and Coleshill is the home town (or maybe village back then) of the ancestors I’ve tracked the furthest back in time.  My great-great-great-great grandmother Letitia Barnes, who was baptised here in 1785 and (honestly) was recorded in some Victorian censuses as Lettuce, left when she married one of the Brinklow Greens.  Green, Lettuce.  It’s just too good.  There were plenty of Greens in the area from a number of large families.  The next generation moved to work in the textiles factories of Coventry, and two generations later my great-grandmother Selina Green married a Coventry cycle enameller by the name of Allen Bolton.  Their daughter Lily married my grandad James Yapp from West Bromwich and no-one is really sure how they met.  Lily was a domestic servant in one of the big houses in Leamington and her brothers and sisters scattered across England and Wales.  The other Coleshill family featuring heavily on my tree in the 17th Century are the Bartons.  Hello to any distant Coleshill cousins reading this. Before kickoff I popped up to see the church where Leticia was baptised and several Bartons were baptised, married and buried.  Unfortunately an M6 delay meant that it was a very brief visit.
Goalkeeper Top Colour Stats
No clean sheets today, but a win for green over yellow.  No change in the placings. Results so far after 124 games: Based on conventional 3pts for a win, 1pt for a draw, but also -1pt for a goal conceded (GC) and +5pts for a clean sheet (CS).  Colours ranked on a points per game (PPG) basis. For new readers the odd .5 was caused by a shocking half-and-half shirt and the .1 was due to a substitute goalkeeper in a different colour.  The Fire Cracker colour was confirmed with the help of the social media team at Dulux UK, and it deserves to be last, trust me.  All of this arises from a comment attributed to Petr Cech that orange is the best colour for a goalkeeper because it changes the behaviour of other players around the box. P W D L GC CS Pts PPG Red 9.0 4.0 1.0 4.0 9.0 3.0 19.0 2.111 Maroon 4.0 2.0 1.0 1.0 6.0 1.0 6.0 1.500 Blue 30.1 12.0 6.0 12.1 47.0 10.0 45.0 1.495 Grey 41.5 20.0 9.0 12.5 68.5 11.0 55.5 1.337 Green 66.0 33.0 8.0 25.0 112.0 17.0 80.0 1.212 Orange 25.5 9.0 4.0 12.5 40.5 5.0 15.5 0.608 Purple 11.0 5.0 2.0 4.0 25.0 2.0 2.0 0.182 Yellow 27.0 7.0 6.0 14.0 57.0 5.0 -5.0 -0.185 Pink 14.0 4.0 4.0 6.0 29.0 1.0 -8.0 -0.571 Radioactive Bile 12.0 5.0 0.0 7.0 26.0 1.0 -6.0 -0.500 Black 5.0 1.0 3.0 1.0 14.0 0.0 -8.0 -1.600 White 1.9 0.0 0.0 1.9 4.0 0.0 -4.0 -2.105 Fire Cracker 1.0 0.0 0.0 1.0 4.0 0.0 -4.0 -4.000
What Next?
Follow @GrahamYapp on Twitter for details! No definite plans as yet but probably one of my step 3 priority grounds next weekend as I close in on “The 232”.