Larkhall Ascending

No, I didn't, since you ask.

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Saturday 26 January at Plain Ham
Result	Larkhall Athletic 2 Peacehaven & Telscombe 1
Competition	FA Vase Round 4
Hopping	Ground 504 on the lifetime list, and I am here because of the club’s Twitter feed which, on Friday evening, was the first on my timeline to hold out the prospect of play, which they then confirmed in plenty of time to travel – see below for the full story of the day!
Pre-match preparation
Both clubs play at step 5.  Larkhall sit in 7th place in the Western League Premier Division but have some games in hand.  Peacehaven & Telscombe are leaders of the Sussex League First Division.  Larkhall are here after wins over Longwell Green (0-0 H, 2-1 A) and Kidlington (3-2 H).  Peacehaven have beaten Lancing (5-0 A), Oxford City Nomads (3-0 A) and Haverhill Sports (4-3 A).
This match in one sentence
P&T dominated the early stages but an equaliser seemed to infuse belief into Larkhall and they defended well and occasionally rode their luck after a penalty had given them the lead.
So what?
Larkhall plus Shildon, Bodmin Town, Brantham Athletic, Newport (IoW), Guernsey and Bemerton Heath Harlequins are definitely through to the last 16 but nine other ties were postponed.  Peacehaven can concentrate on the league – they are top and have step 4 ambitions so this could well be their last appearance in the FA Vase.
The drama unfolds
After my journey (see below) I might have been forgiven for wanting a bit less drama, but this was a big game for both clubs, whose players were, as they say, “up for it”.  This is an absolute gem of a ground and I decided to do a circuit during the first half.  Here is my scene-setter clip taken after 12 minutes – Larkhall are in blue.  The visitors have dominated the early exchanges and Larkhall just can’t get the ball. Just after this, Peacehaven took the lead.  A missed interception gave the ball to Rob O’Toole with time and space.  His shot must have taken a deflection, I reckon – either that or it was the best mishit ever – and it looped gently over the keeper and in at the near post.  0-1 after 15 mins The visitors continued to dominate and a second goal looked likely.  So it was rather out of the blue when Larkhall drew level.  It was an unstoppable direct freekick from Nat Auckland and unfortunately my attempt at a snapshot was a complete failure.  The goalkeeper would not have been blurred – I don’t think he moved.  1-1 after 31 mins This seemed to give confidence to the hosts and knock the visitors back, and I took some more clips as I wandered around the end that Larkhall were attacking.  The view from that end of the ground is beautiful, and now the llamas in an adjacent field were paying erect-eared attention to the noise from below.  No, I was not hallucinating.  Llamas.  Distinguished from alpacas by the ears, I believe, and their general size.  Llamas are more suited to central defence whereas alpacas will be the cheeky trequartistas of the camelid world.  But I digress.  Here are those clips.  It was all getting a bit tense and the tackles were borderline at times – both teams (surprise, surprise) were unhappy with the referee.  1-1 at half-time Still Life (Goalkeeper and Llamas) 2013 Cows in the distance, honest. Thanks to club tweeter Tracey for telling me that this is Solsbury Hill as in the Peter Gabriel song - my heart going boom boom boom! The sun came out at half-time, as did some cows on the hill on the other side.  This may be important in negotations with Hopping for Moorfields sponsor @CyninHerts if she questions the veracity of my llama claims. I wandered around in the other direction as the second half began, and was close to the action as Peacehaven got the ball into the net – but it was disallowed for offside.  I was therefore at the other end from the penalty that won the game.  Simon Gilbert was fouled and got up to score from the spot, sending the keeper the wrong way.  2-1 after 54 mins The remaining short clips (enhanced by the squelchy sounds of the lino running up and down) will show some splendid rearguard action as Larkhall defended their lead.  On balance, keeper Chris Snoddy will enjoy watching them.  By 70 minutes or so the visitors started arguing among themselves but they recovered their composure to launch a sustained assault on the home goal.  The clip from 83 minutes is the key – a quite magnificent defensive clearance from Mike Jones.  Larkhall had started to defend so deep that any further and they would have been down the hill, but they held on for a memorable win and a place in the last 16 for the second year in a row.  Honourable mention to Peacehaven's Wes Tate for his attacking threat but it was not his day. We are now up to 83 minutes on the clock ... In stoppage time, a header is tipped over and the final driven corner kick hits the side netting.  Great game for the passing neutral.  Final score 2-1
The programme
Something random
Many thanks to Berkshire’s emergency services for handling the road traffic accident at 11.20am on the M4 westbound.  The police and firefighters (two pumps from Maidenhead) were professional and efficient throughout.  The Yappmobile sustained a slight dent in a multi-vehicle incident that could have been a lot worse.  A car in the fast lane suffered a blowout, and, while attempting to get across to the hard shoulder, was trapped in the middle lane by drivers “undertaking” on the inside.  I was in the middle lane two cars back, and was forced to slow down to walking pace.  After a few seconds (I guess) there was a shunt and the car behind was pushed into me.  I managed to get across to the hard shoulder.  Fortunately, no-one badly hurt as far as I am aware, but several cars behind were severely bent – I was lucky, the only one able to drive on and continue the journey.  I was breathalysed, understandably and as a matter of routine – a lifetime first! (I passed.) Then on the return journey, at about 10.30pm in a dark country lane called Watery Lane (hahaha street namers you think you are so funny) near J9 on the M1, I was unlucky to hit a sizeable stone that had just rolled down on to the road in front of me - it looked like a lump of snow.  I think the geographers call it freeze-thaw erosive action.  This ripped a hole in the front tyre, but I managed to get the car to the bridge over the motorway so there was enough light for other cars to see me.  Most slowed down and passed me carefully, except for two BMWs that screamed past and sounded their horns.  Well, that's Harpenden for you.  The AA arrived in due course and a remarkably cheerful patrolman got me back on the road.  The conditions were truly awful, as shown in my clip.  Thus ended one of the more varied and interesting days of my life – hopefully tomorrow will be tedious and undramatic.
Hopping for Moorfields Update
Three goals in a three-goal game, and two distinct groups of visible farm animals (llamas and cows) – an excellent return which keeps us all on track with previous predictions.
Mars Bar Watch 2013
59p for a standard 58p bar at Tesco Express, Harpenden.  Just over a penny a gram. Standard indeed.
What Next?
Running repairs on the Yappmobile, taking my documents to Hitchin Police Station as required and looking at weather forecasts, Toyota values and the price of petrol!

COLDville v Sutton COLDfield - I Must Be Raven Mad

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Saturday 12 January 2013 at Owen Street
Result	Coalville Town 2 Sutton Coldfield Town 0
Competition	Northern Premier League Division 1 South (Step 4)
Hopping	503 on the lifetime list and I am here because the tweet from Coalville to Sutton Coldfield wishing them a safe journey qualified as the first “game on” message that I found in my timeline. First-world problems - planning groundhopping trips in January
Pre-match preparation
Both teams are on long unbeaten runs in the league – Coalville lead the division by a healthy margin (I saw their win at Brigg Town a few weeks ago) and Sutton Coldfield are challenging in third place.
This match in one sentence
It was sometimes dire and sometimes tense, but Coalville will look at the result, secured with two second-half goals, and regard it as another big step towards promotion to Step 3.
So what?
Coalville lead the league by 11 points and Sutton Coldfield remain third – they are still in a good position for a playoff place but they have played more games than all the others because of their artificial surface.
The drama unfolds
It was a tad chilly to say the least, and it was an uneventful first 15 minutes with both teams hyped and tense.  SCT’s striker Mark Danks was caught offside three times in rapid succession and a lino generously chose to ignore some directed f-word abuse. Lee Miveld got a yellow card for dumping him on the floor near the corner flag – though the incident was just outside my line of sight.  It was all rather tetchy. Set-pieces looked like the most likely method of scoring – this freekick was defended in the first instance… … however Miveld then played a neat diagonal ball to Lewis Dodd who crossed into the danger area but Ryan Robbins mistimed the shot.  It was the first real sniff of a goal with 17 minutes gone.  Danks continued to be a nuisance at the other end and he turned his defender and shot over, but Josh Hill in the Coalville defence generally looked pretty assured.  After half-an-hour I decided to remove my gloves and take a scene-setter clip.  Coalville are in black-and-white. Not much else happened of note before the break.  Coalville’s Callum Woodward had a decent shooting chance, SCT failed to capitalise on the home keeper getting caught out of position.  I took another clip after 43 minutes. Some push-and-shove led to a booking for SCT’s Lee Parsons – could have been worse for someone as hands were raised on both sides – but Coalville messed up the freekick and it was “necessary” for Danny Jeno to flatten Danks on the break.  The third clip is the resulting set piece.  All rather disappointing so far.  0-0 at half-time Coalville started the second half brightly and Hill, upfield for a set piece, was unlucky with a volley that shaved the post.  I’d moved around behind the goal and with my hands still warm from the halftime coffee I took another clip just as Coalville (Cameron Stuart I think) put the ball into orbit.  Nevertheless, the home side were looking more effective and the away side dangerous on the break – a classical home-and-away situation was developing.  SCT’s Jamie Sheldon found himself in acres of space on one such break but the ball landed, probably covered in ice from altitude, on the embankment (which may well be an old mining spoil heap, I am guessing). My fingers held together long enough to take this clip of a Coalville freekick after 72 minutes – they were getting closer! The stalemate was finally broken in the closing minutes and Coalville fans will enjoy this clip.  The cross from the left was skied and mishit but Parsons’ header fell at the feet of Woodward.  He crossed and the first shot was cleared brilliantly off the line, but it is a great volleyed finish by Robbins to open the scoring.  1-0 after 81 minutes In stoppage time, two Coalville substitutes combined and Ash Way’s right-wing cross gave David Leigh an unmissable header at the far post.  2-0 in stoppage time They could even have had a third, as Way’s thunderbolt shot was well-saved by the Sutton keeper Lee Evans.  That would have hurt.  This really is a very, very good result for Coalville and that will hurt too.  Final score 2-0
The programme
Hopping for Moorfields Update
135 goals in 40 games at an average of 3.375, within the limits predicted at the start of the season.  I am still looking for sponsors – you won’t have to pay up until June!
Mars Bar Watch 2013
The Coalville Town Mars Bar moves into top position in the value-for-money table as an undamaged 58g standard bar was provided in perfect condition for a mere 50p, just over half of the price of this year’s 95p shocker at M1 Toddington Services Northbound.  The low ambient temperatures led to a small amount of chocolate loss due to brittle fracture at the incision phase but this was well within acceptable limits.
What Next?
Weather forecasts suggest that there is little chance of a midweek game but I am hoping to get to an FA Vase tie next Saturday.

Getting my Grassroots Done at Castlecroft Rangers

The theatre of dreams is ready ... 

Just over the bar!

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Saturday 5 January 2013
Result	Castlecroft Rangers 2 Dosthill Boys Club 2
Competition	Birmingham AFA Division 6
Hopping	Venue 502 on the lifetime list. I am here to keep a promise to feature this grassroots club, who have a great presence on Twitter. The chairman is a generous Hopping for Moorfields sponsor too. Win-Win.  I believe that I will go down in the club history as their first hopper.
Pre-match preparation
Mid-table for the home side, as they lead a group of seven clubs separated only by a point.  Dosthill are one of those a point below.  Castlecroft won 3-0 in the reverse fixture earlier in the season. The pre-match preparation for the home team includes clearing the pitch of dogpoo with the club shovel.
This match in one sentence
Castlecroft had the better of possession and territory but could never open up the crucial two-goal margin, and a late own-goal denied them a win.
So what?
No updated league table as yet, but it is still congested. Castlecroft have some games in hand, which will be fine as long as they pick up some points.
The drama unfolds
With two home subs running the lines (Dosthill have travelled with only eleven including their player-manager) we almost had a first-minute goal for Castlecroft as Patel crossed from the left and Merrick headed against the post, but it was Dosthill who took the early lead as their striker turned to shoot high into the net.  0-1 after 4 minutes Castlecroft equalised during the scene-setter clip which starts with the village church.  The home side are in the green and white strip.  Prosser won a corner with a strong run from midfield.  Dosthill missed the near-post clearance and Hill was on hand to score from close range.  1-1 after 8 minutes Castlecroft started to dominate, especially down the right flank, so I moved round behind the Dosthill goal just in time for the church clock to chime the half-hour and for Dosthill to have their best spell of the half down the other end. Prosser loops a header wide from this attack. My final two clips from the first half are timed at 42 and 44 minutes.  The second one has a great save from the visiting keeper.  Castlecroft did not manage to take the lead, and this was to prove critical in the final analysis the first half ended level.  1-1 at half-time Dosthill re-group at half-time Castlecroft started the second-half strongly (and the Dosthill player-manager became increasingly frustrated and apoplectic).  Number 6 (Wright?) had a shooting chance but hit it straight at the keeper, Merrick glanced a header just wide and then Dann saw a shot from a narrow angle roll along the goal-line.  Here’s the clip starting with a corner soon after. Castlecroft did take the lead, however, on the hour.  A good save from a shot fell nicely for Hill who finished for his second goal.  2-1 after 60 minutes The feelings on the pitch started to get tenser and the call from the touchline was for the home side to keep their heads and not get drawn in.  This clip is from the 70-min mark and has a missed chance from a Castlecroft set-piece. Dosthill had to get forward and this in turn left space for Castlecroft as they sought the safety of a two-goal margin. The next clip ends with the Dosthill player-manager falling to his knees, and I can exclusively reveal that it was not in reverence and worship of the official who has just given the home side a corner-that-wasn’t after he had done more stout defensive work. The score was still 2-1 as the game entered the last ten minutes. Then, Prosser earned a yellow card for a foul in midfield and this happened from the set-piece to cue the dancing in the streets of Dosthill.  Patel is the unlucky player and there was not much his goalkeeper-manager Woodhouse could do about it, even though he’d had  a much easier afternoon than his opposite number.  2-2 after 83 minutes My final clips show the Dosthill keeper defending a corner, and then the final Castlecroft shot of the game in stoppage time.  When the final whistle came, only one team was celebrating.  Final score 2-2 After the whistle, the home side split into two working parties to dismantle goals and nets. A pitstop with Chairman Dave at the team’s spiritual home (The Fox at Shipley) also gave me these insights into grassroots football as the two teams socialised, industrial quantities of chips disappeared, and the two player-managers had a drink together “You really should stop squaring up to people who are twice as big as you.” “It shows how far we’ve come that we are disappointed with a draw.” “Your mother cracks me up!” “It’s hard to get heat into a groin!” "What's the Wolves score?" Thanks for having me, folks – I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and hope that the rest of #twitterfc will enjoy seeing you play in these clips.  I will watch your progress with interest, and may well pitch up at an away game sometime!
The programme
Not at this level (but I do have a Castlecroft Rangers compliments slip!).
Something random
Chairman Dave started the #twitterfc hashtag on Friday evening.  The club has many e-connections across the country with like-minded teams and the #twitterfc posts that evening were a humorous insight into how the game works at this level.  Worth a search and some follows.
Hopping for Moorfields Update
The chairman is sponsoring me for every Castlecroft player seen, including the unused subs!  Thanks so much, Dave! In the meantime, unknown to me, Damon of @therealfacup and @robn226 had pledged their support on Twitter as they were following FA Cup Round 3 giantkillers during the day.  Many thanks, gents.  Together with the four goals added today to the running total, the current value of the “pot” has broken the £250 barrier and the end-of-season prediction is now over £550 even before I begin the spring “push” as 2012-13 draws to a close.  My target is £1000.
Mars Bar Watch 2013
Second instalment of this new blog feature.  I feel the nation needs to know whether there are regional variations in this important hopping staple and how to recognise cases of Mars Bar mistreatment or exploitation. MOTO/BP Toddington Services M1 Northbound – 95p (5/1/13) Today’s purchase raises fundamental questions of economics.  It was the same standard 58g bar that I had for 60p at Witton Albion last week, but 58% more expensive.  At the till, I was offered instead a slab of Cadbury’s for £1.00.  What is going on in the cut-throat world of chocosupply and demand? Do these people have a tie-up with Clearasil?  At the moment, I may have identified the most expensive Mars Bar in the country and we are very close to the £1 barrier.  I may also have established that I am barmy for buying it at that price and I fall into the cherished cash-rich time-poor demographic.  Second opinions as to my mental state are welcome from suitably qualified professionals.
What Next?
Provisional plan is to randomly “tick off” one of my Step 3 priority grounds next Saturday, but things may change at least once.

The Witton Wisdom of a Groundhopper

The floodlights of Northwich Victoria in the background (though the Vics have been displaced to be tenants at Stafford Rangers at the moment)

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Tuesday 1 January 2013 at the Help for Heroes Stadium
Result	Witton Albion 2 Nantwich Town 2
Competition	Northern Premier League (Step 3)
Hopping	Number 501 on the lifetime list, and one of my priorities for the season, leaving me 12 more (8 Northern and 4 Southern) to complete all current English grounds to step 3.  I’m here because of an early “game on” tweet from the club.
Pre-match preparation
This is likely to be a keenly contested game between local rivals – Witton play in Wincham on the outskirts of Northwich.  Witton are in the divisional playoff positions and Nantwich are just outside - five points separate them.  Nantwich are unbeaten in five league games but have not played for almost a month.  Witton won their last league game back in the middle of December.
This match in one sentence
Hard-fought and sometimes forgettable, as Nantwich battled back twice to take a point and keep the unbeaten run alive with a late freekick.
So what?
Witton are 4th and Nantwich are 8th in the league.
The drama unfolds
There was not much to note for the first 15 minutes other than a midfield stalemate while I sipped my mulled wine.  Mulled wine!  A first for this hopper, and very good it was too.  I eventually took a scene-setter clip at around the midpoint of the first half, and I offer it as an addition to the world’s stock of cures for insomnia. There was plenty of effort, a bit of suspicion about how the ball behaved in certain areas of the pitch, and a bit of niggle too.  On 25 minutes, Nantwich defender Darren Moss did well to outmuscle Shaun Tuck as he had to turn on to his right foot, so the chance was snuffed out.  Then Witton’s Steve Foster appeared (from a distance) to put his foot in on the prone Nantwich keeper Jon Brain (There was definitely foot movement but I couldn’t tell you whether there was any contact or whether the keeper has been watching too many episodes of Casualty.)  The ref felt strongly enough to both book him and have a word with his captain Josh Hancock.  More niggle ensued. Brain made a good block save but then rather flapped at a corner.  Captain Hancock went in the book.  It was all rather mediocre until suddenly Foster stepped up after 44 minutes to curl a lovely right-footer around the goalkeeper.  1-0 at half-time The second half was also dour to begin with, but Witton almost had a second on the hour as a header hit the post with the keeper beaten.  Tuck was also denied, by Rod McDonald this time.  However, Nantwich were never out of it and drew level a few minutes later.  A square ball from the left wing to midfield gave the chance for a superb diagonal through ball from Mark Beesley to Lewis Short, and the latter finished neatly.  1-1 after 71 minutes Chances continued to be few and far between and the home crowd grew rather restless.  Here is a clip from about 80 minutes. Witton put together a few minutes of sustained pressure.  Moss earned his keep again by dealing with a cross from Foster to onrushing sub Alex Meecham.  Hancock turned on a proverbial sixpence and fired just wide.  Then Brain was adjudged to have brought down Foster – penalty and yellow card.  Anthony Gardner calmly scored from the spot.  2-1 after 85 minutes Witton then went down to ten men as Foster was dismissed and the conditions suddenly worsened.  Here are a couple of clips from Nantwich trying to get back on level terms – the third one has Sean Cooke’s freekick from which they succeeded, and the last one shows how they almost nicked the win.    2-2 after 89 minutes and at full-time
The programme
Something random
The Witton Albion club museum is just wonderful – far and away the most organised and loved display of memorabilia I have seen on my travels.  Here are some pics to give the sense of awe and wonder.  I don't know enough about the club to understand the significance of some of the items but I was so impressed with what has been put together.
Hopping for Moorfields Update
Four goals taking us to 129 goals in 39 games at an average of 3.31.
Mars Bar Watch 2013
A new blog feature for this year.  I feel the nation needs to know whether there are regional variations in the supply and pricing of this important hopping staple, and how to recognise cases of Mars Bar mistreatment or exploitation. Witton Albion FC Snack Bar – 60p (1/1/13) Good undamaged condition.  An early benchmark for this vital research.  It must also be said that there were plentiful supplies of pies at this ground, which I may have sampled depending on who is asking.
What Next?
Follow @GrahamYapp for any announcements!