Peacocks Get Feathers Ruffled

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Sunday 9 January 2011 at Garden Walk
Result	Gornal Athletic 0 Runcorn Town 3
Competition	An FA Vase Third Round tie between two sides having decent seasons in step 6.  Gornal Athletic are from the West Midlands Regional Premier and Runcorn Town are from the North West Counties Division One.
Hopping	I am here because this game was moved to a Sunday and @Gornal_AFC let us all know in plenty of time on Twitter.  I am now the proud owner of a Peacocks scarf – thanks for your hospitality!
This match in one sentence
Much closer than the scoreline suggests, as Runcorn Town grabbed a critical goal just before half-time and then defended stoutly before adding two very late breakaway goals as Gornal were forced to leave space at the back.
This match summed up in the style of: Aynuck (the archetypal Black Country Mon)
Yo wor ‘alf lucky, Runcorn – good job yo’ got defenders built loik outhouses, ay it?  Them Gornal players all worked very ‘ard loik, but the Runcorn keeper’s jumper wor dirty enuff at the end.  Good luck to yer in the next rahnd, lads.  Now, where’s me scratchins?
So what?
Runcorn Town progress into the last 32 of the competition, as the sole representatives from the North West Counties League.  They will play either Dunston UTS (from the step 5 Northern League D1) or Heather St Johns (leaders of the step 6 Midlands Combination Premier Division).
The drama unfolds
The first quarter was pretty even.  Gornal always had good approach play, and their best chance came from a header which smacked back off the crossbar.  Runcorn, for their part, forced a series of corners.  Just when a goalless first half looked likely, an inswinging corner from the right was met by midfielder Ian Robinson who powered in an unstoppable header.  0-1 at half-time. The crossbar keeps the score at 0-0 The second half saw wave after wave of Gornal attacks, with the visitors looking dangerous on the counter.  The Town back line did an excellent job of protecting their ‘keeper, and this result was really secured in defence.  Eventually substitute Carey got a second and decisive goal for Runcorn Town in the 81st minute and there was time for one more to be walked in by another sub, Adegbenro, as Gornal went for broke.  A harsh scoreline, but these things happen in cup-tie football.  Final score 0-3.
Alternative activity of equal excitement for tourists in nearby Dudley
Spend the morning shortening your vowels at the Black Country Museum, then take your pet canary down into the coal mining exhibit to help it understand that living conditions for juvenile canaries are so much better these days.
A snippet from the programme
The one downside of the day – other commitments meant that I arrived only shortly before KO so the print run had sold out.  I consoled myself with a bag of authentic pork scratchings with wholemeal monosodium glutamate.
What I learned today
Garden Walk is a hidden gem in the Black Country.  Sitting in a kind of natural amphitheatre, spectators have the choice between touchline closeness or lofty supervision.  Hopefully the video clips below give you a sense of the occasion (and Runcorn Town’s defensive solidity!).
What Next?
Tuesday Night is 'Hopping Night!  Watch this space ...

Some clips to give you a feel for the match and the venue ...

Doughboys Rising Up

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Saturday 8 January 2011 at The Dog & Duck
Result	Wellingborough Town 2004 3 Long Buckby 2
Competition	United Counties Premier League (Step 5)
Hopping	Venue #364. I am here because of an early Twitter confirmation by @WoroTownFC that this game was on, the club’s first since 14 December!
This match in one sentence
Fuelled by the perceived injustice of an early penalty given against them, the home side asserted themselves for a great win against their higher-placed visitors.
This match summed up in the style of: John Motson
This five-goal thriller in step 5 of the English non-league structure takes the average number of goals per competitive fixture at this ground this season to exactly 3.5, oh yes. Heh heh.  Michael Boyle-Chong became the first player with a “double”-barrelled surname to score in separate fixtures covered by this blog, taking his tally to “double” figures for the season.
So what?
Wellingborough Town stay in 15th but have games in hand on every team above them, and the top half of the table looks a realistic ambition.  Long Buckby’s second defeat in a row means that they stay 3rd for now but are now unlikely to feature in the final race for the title as St Neots Town tighten their grip on the division.
The drama unfolds
I was right at the other end of the ground when the ref awarded Long Buckby an early penalty to general amazement.  Their attacker was running away from the goal and, according to those nearby, either fell over his own feet and/or the incident was outside the area anyway.  I will never know but the penalty was smacked straight down the middle by Richard Bunting. 0-1. This kind of thing happened a lot in the first half The home side briefly looked in danger of going down to a heavy defeat but gradually got into the game and just before half-time a shot by Michael Boyle-Chong pinged in off the woodwork for a deserved equaliser.  1-1 at HT. Wellingborough took the lead with a cool finish from striker Jason Turner, who has scored in 5 of the last 6 matches. 2-1.  As Long Buckby searched for the equaliser (and to be fair, very nearly had one as several last-ditch blocks in succession kept them out), Simon Underwood popped up from centre-back with an unchallenged header from a set piece.  3-1. Noisy, happy Doughboys on the far side of the main stand Dan Quigley got one back almost immediately, and after a frantic five minutes Wellingborough held on comfortably enough for the last five. Final score 3-2.
Alternative activity of equal excitement for tourists in Wellingborough
Sneak out of your hotel at night and paint a sequence of white footprints along the High Street with a message “I must fly again” at the end.  This is best done in the early hours of 1 April and the locals will be pleased because it has not happened since 1959.
A snippet from the programme
A “Meet the Player” page for Paul “Smudger” Smith reveals that he is 29 and unmarried with no tattoos or piercings, that he drives a Honda Civic Type R and that although honest, he can be moody.  He likes watching anything with cooking on TV.
What I learned today
The club’s nickname of The Doughboys comes from a local delicacy called Ock n’Dough.  If you were to call it Hock and Dough you would immediately reveal yourself as a foreigner.
Something random
No prawn sandwiches round here ... An icon of beauty. The Mona Lisa of burgers. It was unprecedented in my experience to be presented with such a vast menu for a step 5 fixture, and so of course I simply had to tackle a Belly Buster in the public interest.  For the record, it was delicious, and I will probably be hungry again round about Tuesday or Wednesday.  Thanks to burger monster Haydn who watched with good humour as I photographed his creation.

Winchester Show Bottle

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Monday 3 January 2011 at Arlebury Park (3pm KO)
Result	Alresford Town 0 Winchester City 3
Competition	Wessex Premier League (step 5)
Hopping	Venue #363, and the second half of a Bank Holiday double at a manageable distance from the earlier game at Andover.
This match in one sentence
A very straightforward win for the visitors over their local rivals.
This match summed up in the style of: a mathematical proof
1 + 1 + 1 = 3 and 3 > 0 therefore P2(W) = P1(W) + 3 and P2(A) = P1(A)
So what?
Winchester City overtake Bemerton Heath Harlequins for now at the top of the table, and Alresford remain in mid-table.
The drama unfolds
Not a great deal of drama, to be honest.  An early goal, and a second arising from a free-kick before half time, meant that the result was never really in doubt.  The third goal was the pick of the bunch, a ball into the area being held up and laid off perfectly for the incoming player to shoot at speed.  If I were a proper groundhopper I'd have the names, I know. The only other points of note were a lino being replaced and what the Winchester #7 said about his manager's decision under his breath when he was substituted.  His secret is safe with me and the internet.
Alternative activity of equal excitement for tourists in Alresford
Trainspotting on the “Watercress Line” between here and Alton.  Under no circumstances should you ask to see the Fat Controller, but you should pay attention to the detailed differences between Standard Class 4MT and 5MT locomotives.
A snippet from the programme
From the self-explanatory notes of Danny Robinson, Joint Manager, who welcomes the clubs “nearest and dearest” neighbours with tongue-in-cheek: “… so we are going to have to play out of our skins, but we are quite capable of doing so, and on our day we can be a match for anybody.  Let’s hope today is one of those good days.  We have almost a full complement of players to choose from, but we are still without Wrighty and Adie, who are suspended.  Wazzer is back from Uni, as is The Riddler, and Eylsey should be fit in time to play.”
What Next?
Not sure yet … watch this space!

Andover The Points

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	3 January 2011 at The Portway Stadium (12 noon KO)
Result	Andover 0  Hungerford Town 3
Competition	Southern League Division 1 South & West (step 4)
Hopping	Venue #362.  I am here because it is a noon kickoff, giving me the chance of a Hampshire Bank Holiday double hop.  As it happens, this is the third time I have seen Hungerford this season.  I blogged their draw at North Leigh, and saw their 6-1 win in the reverse of today’s fixture as part of an August Bank Holiday triple.
This match in one sentence
Andover's Manager was highly animated ... ... but the coach was unmoved. A controlled and effective performance from the visiting side ensured home manager Alan Leader had multiple opportunities for touchline apoplexy and histrionics.
This match summed up in the style of: The Daily Express
Managers of lower league football teams are endangering your pensions by winding up their players to such an extent that the National Health Service cannot afford the subsequent workload.  A spokesperson for an eminent scientist at a university somewhere is also concerned that hot air emanating from dugouts is responsible for a major part of global warming and if you breathe in all that airborne testosterone your hair may fall out.  Hungerford’s comfortable 3-0 win is yet another sign that the coalition government is failing and it should not be so important for football teams to get into Europe.
So what?
Hungerford are 8th in the division but with some games in hand that keeps play-offs as a reasonable ambition.  Andover are bottom with a horribly negative goal difference and step 5 is beckoning.  They have only picked up one point at home all season, though to be fair they have played fewer home games after early-season problems with the playing surface meant that they did not play at home in the league until October.
The drama unfolds
Hungerford gradually asserted themselves after the early skirmishes and after 23 minutes Jemal Johnson laid off an inviting pass to an onrushing Chris Blackford from left midfield.  He finished the move with a crisp low shot.  0-1 at half-time. Richard Bland scored early in the second half to put the result beyond doubt, and then showed great persistence to get a second from a rebound after his first shot had been well saved.  Andover tried hard to get a consolation goal, even sending their #5 up front for the last 20 minutes.  Hungerford were in no mood for gifting, and to be honest had a great claim for a penalty turned down.  I rather suspect the player in question will be told to go down rather than stay on his feet next time.  When the officials missed an obvious Hungerford corner a minute later, we were treated to a display of petulance in the other dugout.  Hungerford manager Bobby Wilkinson went for the broody pacing-up-and-down approach but to be honest I think he would have gone into orbit had they not been two up by then.
Alternative activity of equal excitement for tourists in Andover
Hide an Acme™ cartoon strength supermagnet in the woolly hat of the aforementioned Mr Leader and take him to the nearby Museum of the Iron Age.  Watch as he heads away a succession of incoming prehistoric cooking vessels whilst at the same time shouting at you that you are rubbish and/or in the wrong effing position.
A snippet from the programme
An edited excerpt from “Game On/Game Off”, an article about the effect of the winter weather on a non-league club. “Initially (the secretary) has to decide whether a pitch inspection is required … and if he decides the answer is yes then he has to find a referee to carry out said inspection.  The match referee usually lives too far away to help and the inspection has to be carried out by a referee of the level of at least being an assistant in the Southern League.  There is nobody of that standard living in Andover although there are a couple who work in the town.  On one occasion last season it took eleven phone calls before finding an available official. (If) the pitch inspection results in “No Game” … then the secretary has to ring the league, all three match officials, the opposition (who are seldom pleased) and the manager (who is generally even less pleased!) and arrange for the decision to be relayed through the website and the local media… so give a thought to the poor secretary when the game is called off – again!”
What I learned today
Whoever put the marker for this club on Google maps has the directional sense of a drunken fruitbat.  In technical terms, it's really up a bit and to the left.
What Next?
A short drive across the county for a 3pm showdown at Alresford Town where Winchester City are the visitors.  Blog post will follow as soon as possible – an early night is called for as it is my first day in a new job tomorrow.  If my new boss is reading this, I’ve done all the preparation, honest!

Luxury Hyde Away

A Hoppy New Year to all my readers.  2011 starts with a few cosmetic tweaks to the blog format which hopefully will give me more scope both for telling the story of each game, and for entertaining those readers not so obsessed with the lower-league game.  Thanks to the many people who have encouraged me to keep going with comments, retweets and follows.  Although I am starting a new job on Tuesday, I still plan to keep going through Step 3 and beyond with at least one hop per week. Hopefully I can cross paths with you during the year.


As you have seen up to now, I enjoy my travels with good humour and try to stay positive about people doing their best, sometimes in difficult conditions.  I enjoy my neutrality.  I don't think that refs and linos are evil personified, but I worry about why anyone would want to do the job.  I hate poor sportsmanship and low personal standards with a passion, and I hate seeing bad adult examples being set to young people. Pies, I like.  Especially with peas and gravy.

Hopperational details
Date & Venue	Bower Fold, Saturday 1 January 2011
Result	Stalybridge Celtic 1 Hyde 2
Competition	Conference North (Step 2)
Hopping	Venue #361.  I am here because this was one of three remaining Step 2 grounds on my list, leaving Harrogate Town and Workington for later this season.
This match in one sentence
A smash-and-grab away win for Hyde, who took two second-half chances and then defended as if their lives depended on it.
This match summed up in the style of: Les Dawson
Bower Fold sits like the Koh-i-Noor diamond in a stripper’s cleavage, and the heavy aroma of Chanel Reject Number 55 Pies-in-Gravy pervades the air as 700 locals enquire repeatedly about the lino’s parentage.  Hyde’s defence was as tight as the mother-in-law’s biscuit tin and Stalybridge had the finishing prowess of a piece of blunt sandpaper.
So what?
These sides are 13th and 18th respectively in the table.  Stalybridge looked too good to get caught up in the relegation battle but this loss to local rivals will hurt.  Hyde really do need the points.
The drama unfolds
Stalybridge dominated possession for the first half and created half-chance after half-chance without really ever testing the visiting keeper.  Hyde showed a glimpse of what was to come with two good chances – one brought a good save from home keeper Jan Budtz and the other rattled the woodwork.  Nevertheless, the home fans would have been content with the overall display and looking forward to a win as the teams went in at 0-0 for half-time. The turning point was a goal for Hyde early in the second half.  Tom Manship reacted first as the ball came back off the post and smacked the ball into the top right-hand corner.  0-1. As Stalybridge pressed forward, they were vulnerable to the classic away break and Shaun Whalley got a second goal with 15 minutes left.  0-2. The video clips give a flavour of the second half.  Wave after wave of Stalybridge attacks, with only one goal to show as Phil Marsh scored after 81 minutes while I was putting new batteries in the camera, dammit.  1-2. They also had one good shout for a penalty turned down by a linesman much closer to the incident than me. Hyde captain Steve Halford ensured that the back line remained disciplined during the final siege.  At times his shouts were heard clearly as the home fans gradually realised this was not their day and local bragging rights were headed to Hyde.
Alternative activity of equal excitement for tourists in Stalybridge
Stand naked on the towpath of the Huddersfield Narrow Canal and sing “It’s a Long Way to Tipperary” to passing narrowboats.  The former goes through Stalybridge and the latter was written there.  Arrest normally takes place after about 30 minutes.
A snippet from the programme
What programme? Only a 50p teamsheet today, which is disappointing.
What I learned today
I am still not sure whether Stalybridge’s fans’ apparent resentment of Hyde’s relationship with Manchester City (see my post from their loss to Redditch United earlier this season) is due to democratic principles (as per Manchester United and FC United of Manchester) or just jealousy.  This performance by Hyde was immeasurably better than their capitulation to Redditch.
What Next?
A double-hop to Hampshire on Monday to Andover and Alresford Town.